Sunday, August 11, 2019
It's kind of like buying the Playmobil dairy set where it comes with the cows, but also it comes with the containers of milk. You already have the milk, so you don't really need to set up the cows. But you have 'em so you might as well set them up.
— Lily
Saturday, August 10, 2019
What do you have me on?
— Ken to Emily about pillows
Friday, August 9, 2019
First and formost, I want to thank my lord and savior for showing me through his mysterious ways that I need to chill out because he's got it.
— Student
Thursday, August 8, 2019
This is why it was noteworthy that someone scrubbed the child molestation conviction from James Stacy’s Wikipedia page RIGHT before Once Upon a Times in Hollywood came out. For many people, googling all the real-life people after seeing OUATIH is all they’ll ever know about Stacy
— @scottmeslow
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
You know, I hate to go to bed at night feeling I have done nothing useful in the day. It is the same feeling as if you had gone to bed without brushing your teeth.
— Winston Churchill, via Boris Johnson, The Churchill Factor
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
He knew what all sensible Tories know—that the only way to keep things the same is to make sure you change them.
— Boris Johnson, The Churchill Factor
Monday, August 5, 2019
I'm as real as a donut, motherfucker.
— Tex, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Sunday, August 4, 2019
But above all to the person who chronicled his deeds most lovingly and faithfully: himself. Whatever Chirchill said or did, he had an eye, like Julias Cesar, to the way he would report it.
— Boris Johnson, The Churchill Factor
Saturday, August 3, 2019
Charles Baudelaire defined the materialist as someone who was obsessed with utensils and afraid of perfume. Because perfume, you can't touch but it's as real as a heart attack.
— Dr. Cornel West, "Joe Rogan Experience #1325 - Dr. Cornel West"
Friday, August 2, 2019
All lots are now sold with perpetual care.
— Timeline at Mount Auburn Cemetery
Thursday, August 1, 2019
Did your delivery team place a red mat at your entrance?
— MattressFirm Home Delivery Satisfaction Questionaire
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Freelance Test Rat
— New Yorker cartoon Lily cut out for me
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Grandpa Paul, why do bananas have peels on them?
— Mason
Monday, July 29, 2019
Netflix is carrying billions in long-term and short-term debt. Investors have largely overlooked the company’s ballooning debt load, preferring to focus on its subscriber growth as an indicator of future profitability.
— David Ng,"Report: Netflix Spends $500M for Just 3 Movies as Streaming Competition Heats Up," Breitbart
Sunday, July 28, 2019
It might have been an attempt to change the Google search results people recieve when they look for something like "Boris Johnson Bus." Meaning that people would see that delightful clip, rather than this significantly less delightful bullshit.
— John Oliver, "Boris Johnson," Last Week Tonight
Saturday, July 27, 2019
Like it didn't occur to me that I was in the world. I just thought I was a spectator.
— Lily on her childhood
Friday, July 26, 2019
Weird Al was really central to me.
— Lin-Manuel Miranda, "Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend"
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Earnest political gestures at art museums can look flimsy, like a game inside a game.
— Sebastian Smee, "Can artists right the ills of an unjust world by staging museum protests?," The Washigton Post, via @linnpress
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Why Advertise on Menus?
Because
Everybody Eats!
— Menu King Menu
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
And anyway, what's the difference?
— Lily on if rocks and water have been there since the beginning of time
