Monday, August 5, 2019
I'm as real as a donut, motherfucker.
— Tex, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Sunday, August 4, 2019
But above all to the person who chronicled his deeds most lovingly and faithfully: himself. Whatever Chirchill said or did, he had an eye, like Julias Cesar, to the way he would report it.
— Boris Johnson, The Churchill Factor
Saturday, August 3, 2019
Charles Baudelaire defined the materialist as someone who was obsessed with utensils and afraid of perfume. Because perfume, you can't touch but it's as real as a heart attack.
— Dr. Cornel West, "Joe Rogan Experience #1325 - Dr. Cornel West"
Friday, August 2, 2019
All lots are now sold with perpetual care.
— Timeline at Mount Auburn Cemetery
Thursday, August 1, 2019
Did your delivery team place a red mat at your entrance?
— MattressFirm Home Delivery Satisfaction Questionaire
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Freelance Test Rat
— New Yorker cartoon Lily cut out for me
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Grandpa Paul, why do bananas have peels on them?
— Mason
Monday, July 29, 2019
Netflix is carrying billions in long-term and short-term debt. Investors have largely overlooked the company’s ballooning debt load, preferring to focus on its subscriber growth as an indicator of future profitability.
— David Ng,"Report: Netflix Spends $500M for Just 3 Movies as Streaming Competition Heats Up," Breitbart
Sunday, July 28, 2019
It might have been an attempt to change the Google search results people recieve when they look for something like "Boris Johnson Bus." Meaning that people would see that delightful clip, rather than this significantly less delightful bullshit.
— John Oliver, "Boris Johnson," Last Week Tonight
Saturday, July 27, 2019
Like it didn't occur to me that I was in the world. I just thought I was a spectator.
— Lily on her childhood
Friday, July 26, 2019
Weird Al was really central to me.
— Lin-Manuel Miranda, "Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend"
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Earnest political gestures at art museums can look flimsy, like a game inside a game.
— Sebastian Smee, "Can artists right the ills of an unjust world by staging museum protests?," The Washigton Post, via @linnpress
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Why Advertise on Menus?
Because
Everybody Eats!
Because
Everybody Eats!
— Menu King Menu
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
And anyway, what's the difference?
— Lily on if rocks and water have been there since the beginning of time
Monday, July 22, 2019
"Why not?" It happens because people usually mark religious events that are important to them by getting together with relatives, and it is very difficult in this world to get a whole bunch of relatives together, whether you are living in some village in Laos or in Manhattan, without giving them something to eat.
— Anne Fadiman on a conversation with Eric Crystal, The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down
Sunday, July 21, 2019
The air in the beach balls is from 1905.
— Museum explainer on the wing float beach balls in the Spruce Goose at Evergreen Aviation & Space Museum
Saturday, July 20, 2019
You know what it reminded me of? When you pick up a rock and there's a bunch of bugs under there and the're a little caught off guard.
— Lily on a stroller with 3 mini greyhounds inside
Friday, July 19, 2019
Other customers have also asked "Where is horse?" Would you like to hear that too?... [Yes]... Horses are located in the world and it lives in small forests and grassland.
— Alexa after I asked "where is the dog?"
Thursday, July 18, 2019
I’m a sentimental, cliché
Hallmark guy
Hallmark guy
— Sid, "What It’s All About"
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Charmaine, get to the safe room. We’re being robbed by supermodels.
— Doug, Booksmart