Sunday, December 18, 2016
He’ll be back January 8th.
— Green Flea Market ladies on stamp guy
Saturday, December 17, 2016
What part of me is going to be here in 20 years? Only my teeth and my eyes so I gotta take care of those!
— Lily
Friday, December 16, 2016
We should have done this a long time ago.
— Patti (from the room next to PT) on a formal introduction
Thursday, December 15, 2016
…on a parcheesi board.
— David Rosenthal about a cover*
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
If a subungual hematoma was caused by a severe blow to a finger or toe, either seek immediate medical attention from your health care provider or go to an emergency room.
— WebMD, “Subungual Hematoma (Bleeding Under the Nail)”
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
I always try to find excuses to like people.
— Sid
Monday, December 12, 2016
Can I tell you what I see when I close my eyes. It’s a frying pan shaped like a turkey.
— Lily
Sunday, December 11, 2016
It’s just nice to see big things.
— David on Dia:Beacon
Saturday, December 10, 2016
Melted Peeps.
— The Hudson Creamery
Friday, December 9, 2016
Birds don’t have insurance.
— Lily
Thursday, December 8, 2016
It’s like eating the same food everyday. I want to expand.
— Jay
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Slingshot?
— Bill in Cabela's
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Not just any 14, a specific 14.
— Manager at Beacon Paint and Hardware making a dad joke when employee says “N14?″
Monday, December 5, 2016
Do you have Venmo?
— Stranger in line for jerk chicken
Sunday, December 4, 2016
He had a whole TV on his head!
— Lily on a cab
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Shirts vs Skins?
— David
Friday, December 2, 2016
Yes.
— Hallye on if she made the cookies
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Don't wanna to go to school all day.
— Hollywood Brats, “Zurich 17″
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
It’s better than brilliant, it’s thoroughly unexpected!
— Gary Shteyngart, The Russian Debutante’s Handbook
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
I’m a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva.
— Queen, “Don’t Stop Me Now”