Grow a pair.
To The Bone
Sometimes we would barter. A trip to St. Barts was paid for with a year’s worth of Burmese hummus and shrimp gumbo.
— Tamara Shopsin, Arbitrary Stupid Goal
That’s ok cuz the shelves won’t sway… He likes to wear shorts that are sweat pants. And he’s also is cool with killing ants… He wants to add bubbly water to his tea. But that sounds stupid if you ask me.
— Lily singing a song before bed
Thank God the girls are adults.
— Woman to another woman on Lex and 43rd
Wearing his shower cap as a blindfold, Cap'n Jack’s hands were always full like Lady Justice’s.
— Tamara Shopsin, Arbitrary Stupid Goal
It’s when I need to get the same free stuff the second time.
— Jay on fake glasses
No one ever says you’re making that language up.
— Sid on making a language up to get people out of the whirlpool
You’ve got some funny guy in my area there.
— Maggie to Paul on Karl who sits in her old cube
All ketchup is is a bottle of stuff with a sticker.
— Lily on ketchup
I just want to bathe myself in birds.
— Lily on baths
Like I talk to my cats?
— MET security guard after other security guard gives her advice to “do it authoritatively”
Did you see what we have!?
— Extremely nice manager of Murray’s pointing to Sloppy Blue on special menu. She also remembered my name and stretched the special another two weeks.
Bridgeman.
— Henry on source of great painting he found
D.S.
— Doug to desk, House of Cards
I love birds.
— Emily
He delivered me!
— Lily on meeting man who delivered her
Who doesn’t love hats?
Baby Driver
Iced Matte.
— Rincon Argentino in Cold Spring, NY
I usually just sing happy birthday to myself when I’m stressed.
— Lily on test day
Guy in the Porsche keeps gunning it, from 140th, we’re in the same place, unbelievable.
— Man on bike on Riverside Park by Christopher St.